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 Post subject: A few 'Short Ones'
PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 6:53 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 10:25 pm
Posts: 196
Location: Where men are men and the camels are scared!
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV.
Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?"
"Do what?" asked Mick.
"Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after day, week after week. No matter if it's oicy, rainin?, snowin?, hailin? .. .. ..
why would they torture themselves like that?"
"Tis all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick, "You know the winner gets about a half a million Euros?
"Yeah, I understand that." said Seamus, "But why do all the others do it?"

The Archbishop of Canterbury and
The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that
the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as
English Weather.
Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the
UK population, it will now be referred to as:
'Muslim Weather'
(Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite)

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “Quickie” with their 8 -year old son in the flat
was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.
Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;

‘There’s a car being towed from the car park,’ he shouted.
‘An ambulance just drove past’
‘Looks like the Anderson’s have visitors,’ he called out.

‘Matt’s riding a new bike!’
‘Looks like the Sanders are moving!’
‘Jason is on his skateboard!
After a few moments he announced,
‘The Coopers are in bed having sex!
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out, ‘How do you know that?’

‘Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar

When Mohandas Karamchand Ghandhi, better known as Ghandhi, was studying law at the University College of London, there was a professor, whose last name was Peters, who felt animosity for Gandhi, and because Gandhi never lowered his head towards him, their "arguments" were very common.

One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor, in his arrogance, said, "Mr Gandhi: you do not understand... a pig and a bird do not sit together to eat ".

Gandhi replied, "You do not worry professor, I'll fly away ", and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, green of rage, decided to take revenge on the next test, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions.
Then, Mr. Peters asked him, "Mr Gandhi, if you are walking down the street and find a package, and within it there is a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money; which one will you take?"
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "the one with the money, of course".
Mr. Peters, smiling, said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom.
"Each one takes what one doesn't have", responded Gandhi indifferently.
Mr. Peters, already hysteric, wrote on the exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Gandhi.
Gandhii took the exam sheet and sat down. A few minutes later, he went goes to the professor and said, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."

keep your friends close and your enemies even closer

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