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 Post subject: Timmy and Santa
PostPosted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 5:11 am 
Hawk
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Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 10:25 pm
Posts: 196
Location: Where men are men and the camels are scared!
Not posted for a while and maybe a relief to some but WTF...

Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy
this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV
and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come
Christmas Day. Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones




Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the
elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them.
Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing
video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat.
Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring
you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus




Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract
, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see
your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I
certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one
of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my
weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a
year is a bit trite? Respectfully,
Tim Jones




Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria,
need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and
in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you
wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please
know, however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever
since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be
more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally,
the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health,
but also improve your social skills and potentially help
clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the
Burger King fry bin most days. Very Truly Yours,
S Claus




Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks
and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me.
I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for
your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my
phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone





Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house
in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a
skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping;
He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You
know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got
your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see
ways to hurt people that if I described them right now,
you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet
of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked
for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole
in you're ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy



Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy



Timmy,
That's what I thought you little bastard.
Santa

_________________
keep your friends close and your enemies even closer


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